Someone Like You
by Cassy27
Summary: You watch him from your window and you tell yourself that you will not cry. Not today, not again. Morgana/Merlin


**Summary:** You watch him from your window and you tell yourself that you will not cry. Not today, not again.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Merlin, nor the song 'Someone like you' by Adele.

**AN:** Pairing Morgana/Merlin, but a rather tragic one. This is inspired by 'Someone Like You' by Adele. I just wanted to write something different and this happened after I read a few chapters by Jissai.

I hope you'll enjoy.

_**Someone Like You**_

You watch him from your window and you tell yourself that you will not cry. Not today, not _again_. Though as he passes below you, that familiar sting in the back of your eyes feels ever so threatening. A claw clutches around your heart and that first tear breaks through even when you've been fighting it with all of you strength.

The door opens behind you, your faithful maidservant entering, and you hate for her to see you like this. So weak and fragile.

Guinevere, ever so sweet and lovely Gwen. She has spent many moments with you lately, consoling you, hugging you. When you turn to look at her this time, knowing you have red eyes that speak only of pain, you see how she turns sad herself.

This isn't what you want, but you simply can not help yourself. More tears break through their boundaries without your consent and you watch how Gwen hurries to your side, her arms already opened into an embrace.

Her voice is smooth when she speaks, "Milady, what is wrong?"

You can see in her eyes that she already knows the answer, but you still manage to utter that one word that had caused your heart to shatter into a million pieces. "_Merlin_."

Gwen wraps both her arms around you and you welcome the hug. This is the proof that your friendship is real and genuine.

"It's alright, Morgana," Gwen sooths you, her hand gently rubbing your back, "it's alright."

You do not know how long you cry - if you are still crying at all - but you find yourself sitting on the edge of your bed, staring before you, though you do not see anything at all. You hear the distant movement within the castle, but it all sounds so very far away.

You are only faintly aware that Gwen is still sitting next to you, her hand upon yours.

You long for that hand to be _his_.

"I hate him," you hear yourself say. As soon as you utter the words, you feel they are a horrible lie. Closing your eyes, you hope for the world the stop spinning around you. Little makes sense to you anymore and you wish nothing more than to fall asleep. "How could he do this to me?"

Your friend remains silent for a long moment and you wonder whether she is still there, but you are too tired to turn your head.

"It will get better," Gwen assures you, "you'll see, Morgana. Eventually, you'll forget about Merlin."

You hate her for speaking those wretched words. The idea of forgetting about Merlin sends you spiralling down into an abyss. You do not want to forget, you want him back. Your wish is a simple one, is it not? You try and remember when it all began tumbling apart, but your mind comes up empty. You only remember the gaping whole in your chest where your heart used to be.

All your love you gave to Merlin. You told him he owned your heart.

He still does.

Shifting towards Gwen, you rest your head upon her shoulder. A tiredsome sigh escapes your lungs before telling her, "Perhaps you are right, Gwen, perhaps it will get better."

Still, you find it hard to believe the whole inside your chest will ever be filled again. Never will you find anyone like Merlin because he truly is one of a kind. Never will you experience pure love again and the thought makes you weary.

_Oh, how you long for sleep._

-,-,-

You know Arthur is annoyed with you, that he glares at you with an intensity you have never before seen in his eyes. However, you pay it no attention and continue to make his bed in complete silence. The Prince rises from behind him desk and moves to stand besides you. A faint smile is all you give him.

Arthur rolls his eyes and grabs your arms forcefully, "Spill it, Merlin, what's wrong?"

The question takes you off guard. Was Arthur actually worried about you? More importantly, did he not _know_? Everyone in Camelot knew and it had proven to be very popular gossip in the tavern as well. Leave it to Arthur to remain oblivious to the truth.

"I'm fine," you lie, knowing you can never confide in Arthur. Not about this because...it hurts too much, "Arthur, please let me go."

The Prince does as you ask, but continues to look into your sad eyes. For a brief second, you fear he does know the truth since it is written clearly in your eyes. You always have been an open book, haven't you?

"Tell me," he orders, "or I will find out another way."

A long pauze fills the air and you contemplate your options. Can you actually tell him without having to fear for your job? Losing your job will endanger your destiny. _He_ is your destiny, those were the Dragon's words and you despise him for it. You want a different destiny, one with _her_.

_Only with her._

The question slips from your tongue before you can stop yourself, "Have you ever loved someone?"

Arthur thinks before nodding, "Yes, I _still_ love someone."

You are instantly reminded of the Prince's love for Guinevere. Jealousy flares up in your heart and you struggle to control yourself. Yelling at the Prince will not help your cause. In stead, you whisper the thought that has been on your mind ever since you met Morgana, "I love someone."

You watch how Arthur's eyes widen with surprise, "Then, shouldn't you be..._happy_?"

Slowly, you shake your head and turn to face away from the Prince. You do not want him to see your tears, your weakness. You close your eyes and inhale deeply, hoping it will steady your body. When you speak, however, your voice trembles, "Our love can never be. She and I, we are meant for different paths in our lives."

"How can you know?" Arthur voices his thoughts softly, surprising you with his caring tone. "Love isn't something that can or can not be. It is something that _is_. It isn't always easy, but it is definitely worth fighting for."

You want to believe his every word. You want to run out of this chamber and hurry towards Morgana. Have you ever told her how you feel? You have shown her, plenty of times, but did you ever tell her those three small, but heavy words?

"Are you fighting for her," you ask him as you turn around to look into his eyes, "are you fighting for Gwen. Are you fighting for your love?"

Arthur's gaze drops, "I try and I believe that one day, we'll be together forever."

The words sound naive in your ears. You wish you could tell him the same.

_Does he really not know_?

"We tried," you tell him "we tried again and again. We were together for months that turned into years, but it still could not be. Hiding our love and secrets tore us apart and trusting each other began to proof difficult. Yet I love her more than any other person in this world. _I love her_ so why can not be with her?"

You feel tears roll down your cheek and you quickly dry them. But Arthur does not call you a girl and instead, he places his hand onto your shoulder in a comforting way. "I'm sure Morgana feels the same way."

Your eyes lock with Arthur's and your heart skips a beat. So Arthur isn't as oblivious as he makes everyone belief. Yet that knowlegde does not comfort you in any way, nor do his words. You don't want to cause Morgana to feel the same way, the same pain. You do not want her to feel the hurt you are experiencing right now.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have burdened you with this," you say.

Arthur dismisses the words quickly, "Merlin, you are my friend. You can never _burden_ me with anything. I'm not as blind as everyone thinks I am. I noticed Morgana...has been going through something and I noticed the same for you. It wasn't difficult to put one and two together."

You smile at him, though it is a watery one, "Thank you, Arthur."

"Give it time," the Prince continues, "I'm sure things will become better. Time heals all wounds."

And you pray for that to be true, however you fear the worst. You love her, after all, and you do not wish to forget. But you'll try and eventually, you'll succeed.

-,-,-

Months later, you see Merlin walk below you in the Court Yard. He smiles brighter than usual, his blue eyes luminous underneath his dark lashes. You find him ever so beautiful, but you can not have him. Not anymore. All is lost, but _you_...you do not _feel_ lost. That whole inside your chest has slowly began to heal, but such a vast wound always leaves a scar.

You watch how the love of your life - your _lost_ love - walks towards a dark haired woman. She has soft brown eyes and a genuine smile. The first time you met her, you disliked her. She had a strange effect on Merlin. She had made him smile for the first time in weeks.

You hated her for it because you wanted to be the one to make Merlin smile again. But you've learned to accept that she is in his life now. They married only a few days ago, on a warm summer day. You've cried from sunrise till sundown. Everywhere around, you hear people talk about them.

"_They seem happy."_

"_Merlin is a lucky man."_

"_Freya is a lucky woman."_

You might have learned to accept reality, but you still wish for them to shut up. The words sting and seeing Merlin so utterly happy hurts ever so slightly. You know you could have made him this happy. But you smile when others can see you and you pretend to have moved on.

You know there is only one person in this world that knows the truth.

Gwen still catches you crying, she comforts you still.

And time passes by, flowing gently until you realize another day has breached through the night. And so you continue, smiling while crying on the inside, hoping that one day, you'll find happiness like Merlin.

One day, you'll find someone like him again.

...like he has found someone like you.

It still hurts.


End file.
